motto: “PLEASE EXERCISE SOME PATIENCE AND READ THROUGH THIS DETAILED MESSAGE”

Background
Some of our readers might have heard about the West African 419 or advance fee fraud. Named after the relevant section of the Nigerian Criminal Code, this is a popular crime with the West African criminal element. The scam basically involves requests to help move large sums of money with the promise of a substantial share of cash in return. There’s a hi-tech element involved, with help requests being made by e-mail. A typical message would look like this:

"Dear naive westerner, You may be surprised to receive this letter since you do not know me personally... I am a bank manager / government official / relative of dead political figure...I have discovered an unclaimed deposit and found out that the owner has died / deliberately over-invoiced a government contract / helped deposit money of political figure who later died...[insert about two paragraphs of background information]...I am saddled with the responsibility of seeking genuine foreign account or foreign business partner where this money could be transferred into...I am willing to give you 25% of the money...Thanks for your mutual co-operations".

As all of us know (or at least those of us with a positive IQ), these ventures are illegal. Furthermore, you will get into a lot of trouble if you get involved with this type of people (for more information click here, here or here).

I admit we were a bit surprised after receiving the first message about this business “venture”. The following 5 messages still kept surprising us. But 11 months and 142 messages later any element of surprise was gone. Yes, we have collected all of these messages for your reading pleasure. Let us begin.

Data Analysis
We have analyzed 142 messages received at three different email addresses between November 2002 and September 2003. Out of these, 129 were unique messages. These are defined in this text as messages originating from persons with different names (although it’s obvious that many messages are cut & paste jobs in which only names and dollar figures had been changed). In our analysis we will use the 129 unique messages as our dataset.

First, let’s take a look at the number of messages received each month:

The number of messages grows with every month. A few averages: for the period Nov 2002 – Feb 2003 the average number of messages per month was 6; for Nov 2002 – Sep 2003 the average was 12, while for May 2003 – Sep 2003 the average was 16. September 2003 was the most active month yet, with no less than 22 messages. There’s no sign that this trend will change.

Next, let’s see where the messages come from:

Most messages come from Nigeria, the country where this internet scam was first invented. Out of 129 messages analyzed, 66 (more than 51%) came from Nigeria. The only other significant source of messages was South Africa, with 17 messages.

Following the example of clever Nigerian entrepreneurs, people from numerous other African countries got into the act: Angola, Cameroon, Congo, DPR Congo, Ivory Coast, Gambia, Ghana, Liberia, Mauritius, Morocco, Sierra Leone, Togo and Zimbabwe. Recently, people from other continents tried their hand at this scam as well, with messages originating from England, The Netherlands, Spain, the Philippines and The United Arab Emirates. Interestingly enough, we even got a message from a .ro email address – we don’t know whether the address was a cover for an African national or the sender was an actual Romanian “entrepreneur”

Out of the 129 senders, 31 were doctors and 6 were princes (with one person being a doctor and a prince at the same time). The main source of amusement are dollar figures. Senders of 125 messages included an actual dollar figure in their e-mails. Adding up the sums that all these people have managed to deposit in various boxes and “luggages” we get a grand total of $3,231,399,000 – that’s more than the entire GDP of countries like Congo, Gambia or Sierra Leone.

The graph above plots the sum of $3.23 billion as percentage of the GDP of African countries where the 129 messages originated.

The average sum is $25,851,192. The median is $25,000,000. The record is held by one of the eldest sons of late general Abacha, who has about $132 Million just waiting to be invested. 93 messages included details about the commission awarded to the “partner” who will assist with the transfer. The average commission was 25.17%, while the median was 25%; the range of commission rates was between 10% and 50%.

Adding up commissions for these 79 messages we get about $619.2 Million –nothing to sneeze at. By using the median commission and/or average sum for the remaining messages, the grand total reaches $853.6 Million – almost 1 ton of $100 bills.

Finally, let us consider the problems presented in these messages. We find that three of the issues are distributed almost equally among the 129 messages: the issue of the over-invoiced government contract that got a shitload of money for the officials who arranged the contract (25% of messages), the issue of the dead bank client leaving an unclaimed deposit (28% of messages), and family inheritances and various other political issues which account for another 28% of messages:

Additional issues to consider

The issue of size
In most cases the money is available in cash, stashed in various security boxes: “The money in question ($15,500,00) was deposited in a box as Gemstones to avoid much demurrage from the security company”; “The fund ($30,000,000) are in boxes in dollar denomination”; “my Masters mistres entrusted in me the sum of US$25,000.000.00(twenty-five million US dollars) in a luggage”.

While the promise of moving around a box or a “luggage” with tens of millions of dollars seems alluring, we need to consider some practical issues first. Take the $25,500,000 case, for instance. That’s a lot of money – precisely 255,000 $100 bills. Since the bills weigh about one gram each, the total weight is about 255 kilograms. So when you read “and as soon as you indicate your interest my Lawyer shall send you the Air-Way Bill of the Luggage and other related documents so that you can help to claim the Luggage” just know what you’re getting into. The “luggage” will be pretty heavy, so bring a truck, or a van at least.

What about size? A regular business suitcase that will not attract too much attention carries about 12,000 $100 bills. Thus, 255,000 bills would require about 21 suitcases. Therefore, do not plan on going to the bank/security company/etc by yourself. Instead, plan on bringing lots of people and suitcases.

The issue of historical facts and figures
Our message database includes fascinating references to actual historical facts and figures. Take the plight of the Abacha family for instance. As we now know so well after reading 12 different messages on this topic, General Abacha was the former Nigerian Military head of state who died mysteriously as a result of cardiac arrest. After this tragic event, the family was left with the burden of dividing the general’s wealth, while keeping it from falling into the hands of the current civilian government. Says “Dr. Mrs. Mariam Abacha” in a message from November 2002: “l am contacting you with the hope that you will be of great assistance to me, I currently have within my reach the sum of us $25.8million U.S dollars cash which l intend to use for investment purposes outside Nigeria.” Since this message didn’t seem to yield results, a new message was sent in February 2003, with the promise of even more cash; this time, “I therefore decided to contact you in confidence that I was able to move out the sum of US$40 Million Dollars, which was secretly defaced and is sealed in two Metal boxes for security reasons.”

Still no reply from us, so Mariam takes a slightly different approach in her June 2003 message: “I sadly learnt that people has been using the name of my family (Abacha) for fraudulent acts all over the Internet because of my family's plight in the hands of the Nigeria government. This is very sad because it has almost crippled all my efforts to get the help I've been seeking from Abroad (nice)... I have been thrown into a state of utter confusion, frustration and hopelessness by the present civilian administration. The security agents in the country have subjected me to physical and psychological torture... As a widow that is so traumatized, I have lost confidence with anybody within the country (touching).” This time there’s just $15 Million deposited with two local security companies and labeled as “family treasure”.

More messages follow from the same Mariam Abacha (or possibly from different Mariam’s, who can tell?): $35,760,000 in a July 2003 message, $15,300,000 in a September 2003 message and $25,500,000 in another message received in the same month. But there’s more to the Abacha’s than Dr Mrs Mariam: two older brothers, two princes who acted as financial advisors and even “a medical doctor and a close confident of Mrs Maryam Abacha” jump on the money transfer bandwagon.

And then there’s the Mobutu clan. One aide, two different sons and even two different widows of the late president try to fool naïve westerners into sharing unimaginable wealth. Pretty much every recent happening on the African continent is used as a pretext: the land dispute in Zimbabwe, the problems with Liberia’s president or Angola’s rebel activities are sources of inspiration for countless messages and hundreds of millions of dollars just waiting to be shared.

Best messages
And now, the moment we’ve all been waiting for: the funniest, weirderst and stupidest messages. Enjoy.

Contact
The good businessmen of the black continent start by looking for trustworthy individuals or organizations to share their wealth with. With its worldwide reputation, RMRA is an obvious choice as a business partner. So it comes as no surprise that our organization is listed in the most unusual places or is tracked down in the most unusual ways. Top messages for this category:

SEVENTH PLACE: “I am a Subscriber to the World Industrial Reporter from Where I collected your name and address in the International buyer's guide section.”
SIXTH PLACE: “I got your contact from the commercial section of the congolese embassy in Belgium.”
FIFTH PLACE: “As you may want to know and to make you less curious, I got your address from adverts in the business directory that portrayed your establishment in good light.”
FOURTH PLACE: “As led by my instinct, I selected your email address from an internet directory, in my search for a partner, hence this email.”

THIRD PLACE: “I got your contact from your country business guide as a reliable person/company in a related area of my interest for investment.”
SECOND PLACE: “A recent geological search on the internet came up with your name, and I am hoping that you might be related to my client, or perhaps you could assist me to trace his relatives.”
FIRST PLACE: “I got your contact address from the Girl who operates computer, I am revealing this to you with believe in God that you will never let me down in this business.”

Thank God for internet geological searches and the girl who operates the computer. Where would we be now without things like these? As for the portrayal of our establishment in a good light, well, no surprises there (although we were a bit surprised to learn that RMRA is listed with the commercial section of the congolese embassy in Belgium).

Business
After the proper introductions have been made, a business opportunity is presented. Since the nature of various opportunities has already been discussed in a previous chapter, let’s focus our attention on some interesting messages for now:

SEVENTH PLACE: “THIS FUND ACCRUED LEGITIMATELY (BUT DISCRETELY) TO US AS COMMISSION FROM FOREIGN CONTRACTS, THROUGH OUR PRIVATE CONNECTIONS.”
SIXTH PLACE: “The contract has since been executed, commissioned and the contractor company, paid off. We are left with the balance of US$20.5M which was given to us by the company for influencing the contract in their favor amidst heavy competition from rival companies”
FIFTH PLACE: “PLEASE BE INFORMED THAT THIS BUSINESS TRANSACTION IS 100% LEGAL AND COMPLETELY FREE FROM DRUG MONEY OR MONEY LAUNDERING. THIS IS A COMPLETE LEGITIMATE BUSINESS TRANSACTION”
FOURTH PLACE: “The Adp organization is one that is very vast in money laundering activities worldwide and with madam's gold cardnumber, I can secure the services of an Adp diplomat, who will assist us in clearing and banking these funds.”
THIRD PLACE: “I must say at this point that your area or field of specialization will not be a hindrance to this arrangement”
SECOND PLACE: “I apologise if this mail does not suit your personal or business ethics.”
FIRST PLACE: “YOU DO NOT HAVE ANY THING TO FEAR AS THE REST PEOPLE INVOLED ARE HIGHLY PLACED TOP GOVERMENT OFFICALS WHO WOULD STOP AT NOTHING TO SEE THAT THIS TRANSACTION IS A SUCCESS.”

I don’t know about you , but the last message about people who would stop at nothing to see that a transaction is a success was not very reassuring. As one Dr Nze Ozichukwu Fidelis Chukwu would say “Apparently no risk involved !”

Mystery, Drama and Adventure
You’d expect these messages to be all about business and nothing else. But you’d be wrong. Some messages are mysterious, promising unimaginable wealth and riches. Others are full of adventure and suspense, involving fallen heroes, courageous rebels, or the occasional chief bank auditor. Still others depict great tragedies that affect families or nations. Join me and learn about some of the most touching, dramatic or heroic stories on the planet:

TENTH PLACE: “On release I retreated to Ondjiva a town by the Namibian border with my family. A week later my life was shattered. My beloved wife and daughter were murdered in cold blood on their way to Luanda to visit my wife’s parents. I then fled to Namibia a broken man.”
NINTH PLACE: “Before the peak of the civil war between the rebel forces of major Paul Koroma and the combined forces of ECOMOG peace keeping operation that almost destroyed My country, following the forceful removal from power of the Civilian Elected President Ahmed Tejan Kabbah by the rebels.”
EIGHT PLACE: ”Now my 18 years old sister and myself are alone in this strange country suffering without any care or help. Without any relation, we are now like refugees and orphans“
SEVENTH PLACE: “Mr. Antonio Dembo who was his second in command, assumed office as leader of UNITA, due to lack of the Charisma my Uncle had carried the party with in Dembo, there was chaos and struggle for leadership"
SIXTH PLACE: “WHEN MY MOTHER DIED ON THE 21ST OCTOBER 1994, MY FATHER TOOK ME SO SPECIAL BECAUSE I AM MOTHERLESS.”
FIFTH PLACE: “I sadly learnt that people has been using the name of my family (Abacha) for fraudulent acts all over the Internet because of my family's plight in the hands of the Nigeria government. This is very sad because it has almost crippled all my efforts to get the help I've been seeking from abroad. I hope after reading this letter that you will consider my suffering and assist me. May God bless you as you read!”
FOURTH PLACE: “Here in my country there is great economic and political disarray and thus looting and corruption is rampant and the order of the day, thus explaining why you might have heard stories of how money is been taken out of Nigeria,”
THIRD PLACE: “THE MANAGEMENT UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF OUR CHAIRMAN AND MEMBERS OF THE BOARD OF DIRECTORS,THAT ARANGE HAS BEEN MADE FOR THE FUND TO BE DECLEARED "UNCLAINMED" AND SUBSEQUENTLY BE DONATED TO THE TRUST FUND FOR ARMS AND AMMUNITION TO FURTHER ENHANCE THE COURSE OF WAR IN AFRICA AND THE WORLD IN GENERAL.”
SECOND PLACE: “I AM CONTACTING YOU BECAUSE YOUR LAST NAME AND THAT OF THE INVESTOR IS THE SAME,WHICH MY BOSS SUSPECTED THAT YOU MIGHT BE THE INVESTOR'S RELATION. PLEASE RECONFIRM TO US IMMEDIATELY IF YOU HAVE ANY BROTHER WHO WAS 78YEARS OLD BEFORE HE DIED IN 1998”
FIRST PLACE: “As a result of my father’s death, and with the news of my uncle’s involvement in air crash in January, dashed our hope of survival. The untimely deaths caused my mothers heart failure and other related complications of which she later died in the hospital after we have spent a lot of money on her.”

If at this point your eyes are filled with tears, remember that these are the people who “would stop at nothing to see the business transaction completed” (if you’ve read some of the sites we provided in the first part of this article, you’d know that they really mean it). As for myself, I’ll have to do a geological search on the internet (or ask the girl operating the computer) to see if I have a brother who was 78 years old before he died in 1998. And what about that ungrateful mother in the last message above?

Family and Romance
There’s even more to these messages than just business, drama and adventure; we have family matters and even romance:

SECOND PLACE: “I wish you are God fearing and will accept me as your family member.”
FIRST PLACE: “I am a female student from University of Nigeria, Lagos. I am 28 yrs old.I’d like any person who can be caring, loving and home oriented. I will love to have a long-term relationship with you and to know more about you.”

Well, I don’t know about that. Would you accept Prince Melvin Guei (“the son of Mr. Robert Guei of Ivory Coast in West Africa, the Ex. Military President who was brutally killed along with my mother Mrs Rose Guei on the 19th day of September 2002, by the troops of the incumbent President Laurent Gbagbo”) as a family member? As for princess Okobi, I’ll have to see a picture first.

Fun with English
I know the English we use here at mintrubbing.org can get pretty bad. But we’re no match for some of the people who wrote to us about millions of dollars they’ve stashed in a drawer. Enjoy:

NINTH PLACE: “Already, we have put in motion the complete machinery to enhance successful commencement and completion of this transaction”
EIGTH PLACE: “I therefore personally, appeal to you Seriously and religiously for your urgent assistance to move this money into your country”
SEVENTH PLACE: “Please pardon me if I have caused you any embarrassment by contacting you so suddenly.”
SIXTH PLACE: “Sorry at this Perceived confusion or stress you may have received this letter from me, since we have not known ourselves or met previously.”
FIFTH PLACE: “There a lot of unclaimed consignment laying here in the Warehouses. Most of these goods are deposited by some Government officials who are either dead or in prison in some African countries and foreigners.The main irony is that most of the consignments contain money while the depositors gave to the company false declaration.”
FOURTH PLACE: “I have the assurance that you are capable and reliable enough to champion an impending transaction.”
THIRD PLACE: “THROUGH THE COURTESY OF BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY, I TAKE LIBERTY ANCHORED ON A STRONG DESIRE TO SOLICIT YOUR ASSISTANCE ON THIS MUTUALLY BENEFICIAL AND RISKFREE TRANSACTION WHICH I HOPE YOU WILL GIVE YOUR URGENT ATTENTION. “
SECOND PLACE: “I will not fail to bring to your notice that this transactionis hitch-free and that you should not entertain any atom of fear as all required arrangements have been made for the transfer”
FIRST PLACE: “I am glad to say that with the introduction of Internet and website, I was opportune and pleasured to have come across your Contact through this satellite media.”

The complete machinery has been put in motion (including the satellite media), but don’t entertain any atom of fear. It’s all good.

Stupidity
Last, but not least, there’s this special group of messages that employ as primary weapon just pure undiluted stupidity. These messages have categories of their own (in italics below):

SEVENTH PLACE – the “reason you need to enter sums using both words and numbers on financial documents” category: “I have deposited the sum Twenty Million Four Hundred Thousand United State Dollars(US$30,000,000,00.) with a security company, for safekeeping”; “The amount involved is 30 MILLION USD (FIFTY SIX MILLION UNTIED STATES DOLLARS) ONLY”; “Before the death of my father, he had taken me to Johannesburg to deposit the sum of US$20,000,000.00 [thwenty five million united states of America dollars]”; “Lying in an inactive account is the sum of twentyfive Million five hundred thousand United States Dollars ($15,500,000.00) belonging to a foreign customer”
SIXTH PLACE – the “the internet follows you wherever you are” category: “I am presenting taking refuge in Ghana / Accra at the sierre leone camp”; “Presently, the Government has placed us under house arrest and has cut all telephone lines to our house making it impossible for us to have telephone contact with the outside world. But I managed to gain access to internet in order to make contact with you”
FIFTH PLACE – the “the nobility of crooks” category: “Consequently, my proposal is that I will like you to stand in as the next of kin to Mr. Charles Andason so that the fruits of this old man's labor will not get into the hands of some corrupt government officials.”
FOURTH PLACE – the “the power of one” category: “The present government is forcing my husband out of Manila to avoid demonstration by his supporter”
THIRD PLACE - the “Nigerian innovations in the structure of government” category: “Presently, I am a senator in the Nigerian Government.”
SECOND PLACE – the “the $10.000.000 installation of the $250.000 turbine” category: “In the course of our duties as values, and project inspectors for the on-going liquefied Natural Gas (LNG) project, we have over-invoiced the value of some jobs done by foreign contractors for the NNPC to the tune of US$31M. As follows: - Computer optimization and Installation $16,000.000.00 Installation of $250,000.00 Monax Turbine$10,000.000.00”
FIRST PLACE – the “someone should tell those clueless Swiss bankers that Germans no longer use Marks” category – “Following the recent discovery of my husband’s Bank Account by the Nigerian Government with Swiss Bank, the huge sum of US$20.5 Million and DM3.4 Million were frozen”; “Following the recent discovery of my husband's Bank Account by the Nigeria Government with Swiss Bank in which the huge sum of US$700 Million and DM450 Million was logged”

In closure I can only extend the wishes of one Dr. Madu Bueze to all of our readers: “I pray that God will bring us together to work in harmony and reap the benefits”. God help us.